


A Message to My Daughter

by DaniPayson



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 14:59:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16725609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniPayson/pseuds/DaniPayson
Summary: While pregnant with her daughter, Dana feels compelled to write out her feelings after being awakened by a troubling dream.





	A Message to My Daughter

I’ve never been big on journaling. I always considered it a giant waste of time. Now, time is all I have.  
In all honesty, I didn’t think I’d ever be writing to you. I never thought we’d meet. I thought I had my life planned out the way I wanted it and there would be no exceptions or detours, but what I’ve learned in my fifty-four years on this planet is that you cannot plan for life. You cannot plan for where your mind and yes, even your heart, may take you. You can be stubborn and steadfast, but you can also be loved for those same qualities. You can be a feminist and you can be a wife. You can be a doctor and you can be a mother. YOU can be whatever you want to be; regardless of what one class of people say you should be. You can be angry over the injustices of society, and still be amazed at the beauty of a sunrise. You can have hope and you can have fear. Right now, I have a lot of both. At the moment, I’m battling so many conflicting emotions I’m not sure what I’m even allowed to feel. Should I be happy that in my ‘advanced’ years that I’m being given another chance at motherhood, or should I be angry that I let a man do this to me. Every day I wake up amazed at the miracle I have been blessed with. Every day I am thankful for a chance to create a new journey on this roadmap we call life. I’ve taken other paths, I’ve seen and experienced more in one lifetime than others have in many. I’ve had very good experiences, and extremely bad ones, but no life is perfect. When we are born, we are not given a checklist. We are not granted anything but a life. Not one person is entitled to more than another and not one person is more deserving than another. Deserve. That is a word I have grown tired of. I deserve. She deserved. We all deserve better, but one person’s interpretation of what another deserves is only their opinion and should never be forced upon another. You deserve to grow up in a world where you have the choice to be who you want to be. To be who you were meant to be. To know that your mother and your father will love you and support you unconditionally regardless of what path in life you decide to take.  
Unfortunately, you are coming into this world during extremely troubling times, and that’s the only thing about your creation that gives me pause. Why now? Not that there’s ever been a perfect time to be born into a world that can change at any moment, but everything is so uncertain now that I almost feel irresponsible bringing a child into all of this mess. But that’s what life is. Messy. There are going to be good days and there are going to be bad, and I can’t promise I will be the perfect parent; I’ve been known for giving up on things, but maybe that’s why now. Maybe YOU are what I needed at this very moment in my life.   
I don’t know what the future holds for you, but I don’t know what it holds for any of us. All I do know is how very much I cannot wait to meet you.  
I also don’t know what inspired me write this, well, I do. I was awakened a little after midnight after a dream. It wasn’t a nightmare; I’m not sure what it was. In this dream, it was twenty-six years earlier and I was asked to make a choice and I took a different path. I never joined the FBI and by doing so I never met your father. I had friends, I had relationships, but as I traveled through this life days became months and months became years and every day felt exactly the same. Empty. The emptiness became suffocating and I woke up gasping for air, only to be kicked back into reality by the little one growing inside of me. For the next hour or so I just lay in bed, my mind began playing its own Choose Your Own Adventure game for my life. Honestly wondering if given the choice would I go back and choose a different adventure. Would I risk everything I had? As I turned to my side and found myself still breath taken by the man lying next to me, I had to say, no. With all his faults, and he was better at pointing them out than I was, I just knew he was the man I was meant to take this journey with. Detours and all.  
I can’t really end this with any kind of advice. I’ve never been good at taking it or giving it. All I can say is that I will do my best to give you everything you need. To be the best mother I can be. To support whatever path in life you may take. Whether you choose to follow your mind, or your heart or both, I will be there every step of the way. I will never give up on you.   
Love,  
Mom


End file.
